Friday, October 28, 2011

Travis Drylander is Found Alive!: Search for seventy-six year old radio man is over

THE AGONIZING TRUTH
Circulation (319) AGONY, TEXAS
Jackson Tuck Editor


Drylander, always a large man, rumor has it
that he's dropped hundreds of pounds and is
getting involved with The Mountain, in Canton
Texas
Long time Radio personality and owner of KGAY radio, here in Agony, Travis Drylander was reported to be both alive, and well.  Drylander told the AT: "I just had to get outta town.  I followed the Herndons to this place.  I like it, and I'm staying.  That's all..."


Folks here in Agony were shocked to hear of Drylander's seemingly clandestine jettison of his home town.  "I've known Travis all my life.  He never much came outside, much less ever left town.  Shoot...I didn't even know the fool could drive!" Clim Stanton told the AT.


The Cuts of Agony "The Big Nothing"
"I figured he wondered off into the Big Nothing," Sam Carmichael told the AT. "We searched out yonder for days and didn't find enough to feed a chigger, much less somebody Travis' size..."


Drylander was always a large man at least until this last year, where a few scattered reports surfaced of Agonites seeing Travis as he slimmed down.


"Man would not come out if people were about," Mimi Lutz of Lutz' diner told the AT. "Travis always comes in about three, or four in the morning, depending on how many folks would be in here, sitting in the diner.  Last few days, we ain't seen him any."


Why Drylander would go so far as to follow Novelist S. Bond Herndon as far away as Canton, Texas no one may ever know.


We made a quick phone call to Herndon about the report and asked if he had anything to add. "Well, we're about to need a radio man up this way..." Was all the controversial writer had to say about the matter.





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