excerpt from today's AGONIZING TRUTH: More reactions over Herndon's Tell All book

THE AGONIZING TRUTH 
Agony, Texas (cir 312 339!)
Jackson Tuck Editor

Today, I went into the streets of Agony... to get down and dirty over the real reactions of Agonites. As the only true 'newsman' in all of Vinegaroon County, it is my burden to observe, and report: The Agonizing Truth.


Now that I have finished my college career, I feel the responsibility that my Grandfather, former circuit court Judge for the Agony Basin District, the honorable Clayton Onyx, has left me in bequeathing this historic newspaper into my young hands.

The divided town I witnessed today reminded me not of the town I grew up in, or the place where I knew people to be of solid stock, people whose names are familiar, mostly because they never change... Not, the important ones, anyhow.


Now, our story is about to come out.  This writer you all spoke with, and had his wife over for tea, and poker, this man-with-no-first-name, evidently, this S. Bond Herndon has torn what little peace we have known away like a Twister, sweeping down off the Llano Estacado.
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My own aunt was killed by one of those, much to all our regret.  I have heard that Herndon has even made mention of that tender subject, and rekindled certain feelings, perhaps best left alone.  


Not all residents are angry at Mr. Herndon.  Many are excited about anything that tells people outside 'The Basin' about their existence...


"It's kinna nice to think folks off somewhere's else might be thinking about us here..." Tate Munchassenberger told the AT. "Mostly we figger no body really cares..."

Some Agonites predict this book with ruin the town!

Others I spoke with seem to have taken a more philosophical approach to the news that A Week in Agony...Texas is about to cause storms of controversy once readers across the nation realize that one of the main characters in his expose' goes by the name JESUS, which is true, everyone in town knows Jesus and understands that he out-right refuses to be addressed as 'Hey-Zues'. 


What any Agonite with some leather to snap their heads against knows, is that Herndon is about to tell the world what our town, our little nothing-of-a-town, once did to the very same, above mentioned, Jesus... Jesus Matesse DeSoto Solo Cabrerra, to put the record straight. 

Travis Drylander age 12

This is not the first time such events have spilled out of Agony. The time Herndon's book is supposed to be set within is the very week Travis Drylander went insane and started broadcasting to the heavens the darkest of secrets about everybody who had a piece of Agony; most have long gone... 


"The Families Herndon Exposes in his book are not ready to have such matters open for public consumption". Lawyer for (as he terms it) THE AGONY CONSORTIUM J. Dagwood Holmgren told the AT. He is also the attorney responsible for filing a record number of lawsuits aimed at stopping publication of, as Holmgren puts it: "What can only end up being an offensive rag of a book, filled with blasphemies that only the 'Godless' would permit!"

Books signed in Canton, Tx.

Many Agonites have become fans of S. Bond Herndon's writing.  His most recent novel, "Tormenta", set on Galveston Island as hurricane Rita bore down, was a tour-de-force of Southern Gothic storytelling, and historical drama.  Yes, I read it, and was shocked to note that such a writer would switch his genres.  Risky, to take the chance that his readers would follow his tall tales about a town like Agony.  


As our town awaits to hear the date for release, some are awaiting the 'pre-order' phase to make their internet purchases, orders for signed copies.  Mr. Herndon will also be ON THE MOUNTAIN (Living, evidently, in a fake Western Town: Flathat) in Canton, Texas during The First Monday of The Month for both the November and December Markets (It is estimated that up to 500k flow through that pretty little place on an average Market Day).  He will be signing books and doing readings, and keeping an eye out for Mulligans...


Next issue of THE AGONIZING TRUTH:

What, exactly, do the Mulligans want kept out of Herndon's new book?  Why is Travis Drylander still missing?  


Also coming in the next issue: THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF AGONY