Another day of Agony... Texas

THE AGONIZING TRUTH (Cir. 378 and growing!)
Agony, Texas 11.09.11
Jackson Tuck Editor

Last known picture of Travis age 12

Thelma Drylander tops 107! One of Agony's oldest citizens reached a new milestone today.  Congratulations to Thelma whose son Travis (Age 76) only recently the subject of a missing persons investigation, discovered to be hiding out 'On the Mountain' in Canton, Texas.  Still no recent updates as to why, exactly, the former Radio man, and son of centenarian Poker Champion Thelma Drylander, is doing in that part of the state, where the controversial writers S. Bond Herndon and his wife Feathermaye are reported to also be "hiding out" on that sandy little hill in Canton.

A Very 'Tuck' Wedding: Wedding plans continue for the latest social event here in Agony, another   Onyx/Tuck wedding.  

Johnny Tuck, currently head of 'Tuck Land, Livestock and Mineral' announced today that the wedding is back on!  His son Dewitt, engaged to Onyx Oil heiress Natalie Onyx, was reported as missing, not long after the infamous Drylander incident. 

Dewitt Tuck was found in an abandoned school bus just south of Sonora.  He was suffering from exposure, and had no memory of going off, nor how long he had been gone.  "I figure I was drugged and carried off out yonder..." Tuck told the AT. "Either somebody give me something... Or I just got carried away and took too much of one thing or another."


The wedding will go on as scheduled. services to be held at the  New Life Emmanuel Methodist Church of the Everlasting Reformed Baptist Savior, here in Agony.  Both the Tuck and Onyx families invite one and all to the Tuck ranch main house for the big BBQ and reception.




Deaths:
Noland Pickertell, a long-time Agonite and former constable was found dead in his home on Black Tea Street.  It appears to investigators on the scene that Pickertell fell at his home, and was impaled upon an old horseshoe stake. "Punched right through his spine..." The County Coroner told the AT. "We figure he lay there that-a-way for hours, maybe longer, before he finally succumb.  Tough old bird..."


Citizen fined for Hot tub use in Drought. Doug Diddle of Sagebrush Ave was issued a fine for his constant filling, draining, and re-filling of his huge hot tub.  "It's worth it..." He told the AT.




Did You See the UFO?
At least sixteen calls came in to the constable's office on October the 7th.  The calls all came around or just after nine pm, according the Cletus.  "Folks were sure fire scared, I tell you what..." The Constable told the AT.  "I rode around a while, but didn't see anything, like they was talking about."