Posted by Unknown at 11:10 PM
THE AGONIZING TRUTH (Cir. 378 and growing!)
Agony, Texas 11.09.11
Jackson Tuck Editor
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| Last known picture of Travis age 12 |
Thelma Drylander tops 107! One of Agony's oldest citizens reached a new milestone today. Congratulations to Thelma whose son Travis (Age 76) only recently the subject of a missing persons investigation, discovered to be hiding out 'On the Mountain' in Canton, Texas. Still no recent updates as to why, exactly, the former Radio man, and son of centenarian Poker Champion Thelma Drylander, is doing in that part of the state, where the controversial writers S. Bond Herndon and his wife Feathermaye are reported to also be "hiding out" on that sandy little hill in Canton.
A Very 'Tuck' Wedding: Wedding plans continue for the latest social event here in Agony, another Onyx/Tuck wedding.
Johnny Tuck, currently head of 'Tuck Land, Livestock and Mineral' announced today that the wedding is back on! His son Dewitt, engaged to Onyx Oil heiress Natalie Onyx, was reported as missing, not long after the infamous Drylander incident.
Dewitt Tuck was found in an abandoned school bus just south of Sonora. He was suffering from exposure, and had no memory of going off, nor how long he had been gone. "I figure I was drugged and carried off out yonder..." Tuck told the AT. "Either somebody give me something... Or I just got carried away and took too much of one thing or another."
The wedding will go on as scheduled. services to be held at the New Life Emmanuel Methodist Church of the Everlasting Reformed Baptist Savior, here in Agony. Both the Tuck and Onyx families invite one and all to the Tuck ranch main house for the big BBQ and reception.
Deaths:
Noland Pickertell, a long-time Agonite and former constable was found dead in his home on Black Tea Street. It appears to investigators on the scene that Pickertell fell at his home, and was impaled upon an old horseshoe stake. "Punched right through his spine..." The County Coroner told the AT. "We figure he lay there that-a-way for hours, maybe longer, before he finally succumb. Tough old bird..."
Citizen fined for Hot tub use in Drought. Doug Diddle of Sagebrush Ave was issued a fine for his constant filling, draining, and re-filling of his huge hot tub. "It's worth it..." He told the AT.
Did You See the UFO?
At least sixteen calls came in to the constable's office on October the 7th. The calls all came around or just after nine pm, according the Cletus. "Folks were sure fire scared, I tell you what..." The Constable told the AT. "I rode around a while, but didn't see anything, like they was talking about."
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Posted by Unknown at 9:06 AM
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| Throngs of shoppers flood Canton |
Over a Million visitors flooded the town below us, but only a few thousand ventured up this hill. That's in part due to the fact that most of what happens up here, happens at night. However, low crowds during the day are also due to the fact that the word about the place is not getting out, any more. That's part of the role we've assigned ourselves...
You've all witnessed how we have fallen in love with this sandy bump in East Texas. We can't let it lose its identity as "The Best kept Secret in Texas". No, sir, and we ask not for one dime, we just want the word to get out; we want stale and out-of-date websites that still draw hits at the top of search engines, to be replaced by hits that filter through this blog, by you, our faithful followers. After all, this is about getting your attention, and trusting that if it moves you to do so, you'll not hesitate to pass it along to your own networks. Hey, that's what a blog can do...
But for all of the ones that found their way up here...
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| LZ putting the final touches on her evolving dream |
TWIRL! a Photography Boutique premiered this weekend and I watched, grinned and even twirled my-own-self as the vision that was only last Market Days referred to by its central story line: "Miss Lilly's Closet", metamorph'd, in serendipitous fashion, to become 'Twirl'. Feathermaye Multi-Media even zipped together a really cool sign with Laurie's script design in lights that made the joint pop even more.
Like a magnet people were drawn to the elaborate Zebra Tree set, wondering what, oh what, could this be... Then, about sundown on Friday, it took off as the first set of girls flooded in, chose outfits and got to twirling while The Divine Mz. Z, feathermaye, and even a reserve photographer (Becky Mottolese) put their creative eyes behind Mz. Z's designs and directions, and as spectators stood agape in the street watching, the dance that is 'Twirl!' flowed, organically, magically. By 9:00pm Saturday, the artists were spent, dragging...
Be sure to check out Part Three in the next issue!
As always, we would love it if you follow this blog,and you can always find us on facebook. Often, you'll stumbleupon us, but if you'd be so sweet, please give this one a Tweet! Digg it!
Posted by Unknown at 7:36 PM
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That's right, we rented this little Red School House, right
here on The Mountain: Current HQ for
feathermaye multimedia |
IF you're just joining us, I'll begin by telling you that we are hiding out on The Mountain, here in Canton, Texas.
You'll also find several additional blogs here on the site about The Mountain, Canton, and what, exactly, The Herndons are doing on this hill.
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The Texicans were in full swing:
led flying, pistols popping
every hour! |
Now, for everyone else in the Posse...
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| Lecia's Designs were a natural crowd stopper... |
We had us a root'n toot'n, shoot'em up weekend here on The Mountain. Our guest Artist Lecia Zinna set up a small exhibit of her work and met many fellow artisans that love coming here, not only for the exposure to thousands of eyes during Market Days, but also for the camaraderie shared by an artist's contemporaries, regardless of their art, we all starve, we all crave the company of others with similar aspirations, however lofty, or simple they may be...
More about this weekend coming in the next issue!
As always, we would love it if you follow this blog, and you can always find us on facebook. You can also find us as we Stumbleupon and if you'd be so sweet, please give this one a tweet! Digg it!
Posted by Unknown at 8:16 AM
No one is standing there ready to hand out advice when you set out to see if you can find America. You accumulate it as you go; sometimes folks you encounter along the way will offer up some useful tidbits, time or money savers that help--but most of the time, it's trial and error. And, we've got a lot of ideas. But, that's how it goes...
The Fabulous Feathermaye and I have finally concluded that WE are going to have to jot down the notes that others can follow. Some of it is silly, sure, some of it can really make a difference. As I've said in earlier blogs: We are operating from a very thin precipice... avoiding mistakes can be the difference in staying in your budget, or going hungry.
Of course, the best way for a Blogger/Novelist/Humorist/Satirist to pay for his or her room and board, is by Advertising!
I don't want to make too much of this; after all, the last thing I want to do is alienate my readers, just to make a buck. Besides, no readers=no blog=no advertising bucks to keep going with.
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| Does ANY insect repellent actually work? |
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My Fabulously Brilliant wife has taken great pains to shop for the right sort of advertising clients, not based upon how much we can make; but rather upon the sort of products or services that I'm already talking about in the blog.
Beyond that, we had to decide if the product or service is something that we can actually get behind, actually promote, in other words: Would we use this ourselves?
A very wise man named Judge Ziglar
(yes, that one, the brother of Zig) told me once that it's always important to remember the last four letters in the word "enthusiasm". The Judge told Yours Truly that those four letters actually mean: I Am Sold Myself. Ergo, we now have some new affiliate advertisers that we not only care about, but feel their product lines are unique and fit well with our over-all theme. And, just so you know... Judge Ziglar once sold TV sets in rural Mississippi, before there were any TV Stations!
He also holds the world's record in sales of Pots and Pans, Insurance, you name it. The man knew what he was talking about. That's the sort of advice you tend to keep...
We will diligently report any and all new products that we come across as helpful or useful. And, we hope to develop long term relationships with our affiliates, as we open up the rest of our web pages in the near future.
Allow me to introduce our new affiliate sponsors!
The Fan Zoo is, simply stated, a Sports Memorabilia distributor, based out of Vancouver, Canada. Their overall mission, however, is so much more. From their website:
The Fan Zoo is committed to "Connecting Athletes with their Communities of fans" through:
- Sports Memorabilia signings
- Hockey player events with local children and youth
- Hockey schools
- Outfitting local sports teams
All our sports initiatives have a societal impact on local organizations or individuals.
The next company we're now working with, and equally excited about, is SpiceBox Ltd. As promised on their website:
SpiceBox creates high quality books and activity kits, designed to foster learning, friendship, fun and laughter.
This mission is very special to Feathermaye and me. Also, knowing that many of you have artistic interests and hobbies, and a few of you are STARVING ARTISTS like us, we really couldn't turn away from the chance to do business with such fine folks. These cool art kits are a fantastic way to expose your talent to different media, without investing a fortune! We love to go look at their product line...
**I also want to mention that both The Fan Zoo and SpiceBoxBooks.com reached out to us personally in response to our application for affiliate advertising. Both companies took the time to visit this website and ask questions to determine how well we fit together. These are exactly the sorts of relationships we hope to foster over the coming years.
Stay tuned for the next edition of "...ways and means..." to hear about some of our other sponsors, like Minimus.biz (which you absolutely NEED when living life in survival-mode), and FiveFingerTees.com, your ultimate resource when you need some ridiculously awesome t-shirts.
Be sure to look for us on facebook. And, it would really help OUR cause if you click to follow this blog. Please be sweet and give this one a Tweet! as you Stumbleupon to your next brilliant find...Digg it!
Posted by Unknown at 11:45 AM
One of the most unexpected benefits of setting off to look for things that make you want to just BE FREE UPON THE FACE of The EARTH, are the people that come out of no where to help. As near as I've ever been able to tell, it's a very organic thing...
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Post Katrina found us, and a lot of
other Houston area folks digging
deep of their time and anything
we could spare. |
With supposition, I can clearly see how others want to reach out. We certainly have given whenever we had it. Usually anything above our basic needs, we've given, in one form or another. Especially in a time of great need.
Some might even ask: "How can you ever expect help when you won't give it yourself?" I know most of YOU give whenever you can. It's not a solitary notion--THANK GOD.
As The Fabulous Feathermaye is always quick to remind me: It's never easy accepting HELP from others... After all: we're supposed to be self-sufficient...Right? But, that's the sort of thinking that leads to disaster!
Survival Rule #1-- never turn down help!
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| Rule #217 in effect |
Feathermaye is assembling all the new rules we've come up with or against, as the case may be. Such as Tip #217 for living in survival-mode: When you wake to a sudden downward shift in the temperature, be prepared to add layers and carry on.
There are lots of things like that which we'll be passing along.
So we say thank you, to the wonderful people who have helped us along the way, and have welcomed us into the bosom of THE MOUNTAIN. I promised not to call them all out by name since they would only be embarrassed by the recognition...they give without thinking twice.
Meanwhile...Work is piling up, and I've we've got to get back to it!
Remember: Come see us on THE MOUNTAIN as soon as you can. If you're an artist who has been following, send us an email if you would like to plan a trip down to attend, and participate in a Trade Day Weekend.
Artists who wish to know more about, or just ask questions about THE MOUNTAIN please feel free to contact either Heather@feathermayemultimedia.com or sbond@feathermayemultimedia.com
We are always happy to talk about THE MOUNTAIN...
Remember you can always find us on facebook, (THANKS ZUCK!). We welcome you to follow this blog. Please be sweet and give this one a Tweet! as you stumble through your day...can you digg it?
Posted by Unknown at 11:28 AM
THE AGONIZING TRUTH
Agony, Texas (cir 312 339!)
Jackson Tuck Editor
Today, I went into the streets of Agony... to get down and dirty over the real reactions of Agonites. As the only true 'newsman' in all of Vinegaroon County, it is my burden to observe, and report: The Agonizing Truth.
Now that I have finished my college career, I feel the responsibility that my Grandfather, former circuit court Judge for the Agony Basin District, the honorable Clayton Onyx, has left me in bequeathing this historic newspaper into my young hands.
The divided town I witnessed today reminded me not of the town I grew up in, or the place where I knew people to be of solid stock, people whose names are familiar, mostly because they never change... Not, the important ones, anyhow.
Now, our story is about to come out. This writer you all spoke with, and had his wife over for tea, and poker, this man-with-no-first-name, evidently, this S. Bond Herndon has torn what little peace we have known away like a Twister, sweeping down off the Llano Estacado.
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My own aunt was killed by one of those, much to all our regret. I have heard that Herndon has even made mention of that tender subject, and rekindled certain feelings, perhaps best left alone.
Not all residents are angry at Mr. Herndon. Many are excited about anything that tells people outside 'The Basin' about their existence...
"It's kinna nice to think folks off somewhere's else might be thinking about us here..." Tate Munchassenberger told the AT. "Mostly we figger no body really cares..."
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| Some Agonites predict this book with ruin the town! |
Others I spoke with seem to have taken a more philosophical approach to the news that A Week in Agony...Texas is about to cause storms of controversy once readers across the nation realize that one of the main characters in his expose' goes by the name JESUS, which is true, everyone in town knows Jesus and understands that he out-right refuses to be addressed as 'Hey-Zues'.
What any Agonite with some leather to snap their heads against knows, is that Herndon is about to tell the world what our town, our little nothing-of-a-town, once did to the very same, above mentioned, Jesus... Jesus Matesse DeSoto Solo Cabrerra, to put the record straight.
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| Travis Drylander age 12 |
This is not the first time such events have spilled out of Agony. The time Herndon's book is supposed to be set within is the very week Travis Drylander went insane and started broadcasting to the heavens the darkest of secrets about everybody who had a piece of Agony; most have long gone...
"The Families Herndon Exposes in his book are not ready to have such matters open for public consumption". Lawyer for (as he terms it) THE AGONY CONSORTIUM J. Dagwood Holmgren told the AT. He is also the attorney responsible for filing a record number of lawsuits aimed at stopping publication of, as Holmgren puts it: "What can only end up being an offensive rag of a book, filled with blasphemies that only the 'Godless' would permit!"
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| Books signed in Canton, Tx. |
Many Agonites have become fans of S. Bond Herndon's writing. His most recent novel, "Tormenta", set on Galveston Island as hurricane Rita bore down, was a tour-de-force of Southern Gothic storytelling, and historical drama. Yes, I read it, and was shocked to note that such a writer would switch his genres. Risky, to take the chance that his readers would follow his tall tales about a town like Agony.
As our town awaits to hear the date for release, some are awaiting the 'pre-order' phase to make their internet purchases, orders for signed copies. Mr. Herndon will also be ON THE MOUNTAIN (Living, evidently, in a fake Western Town: Flathat) in Canton, Texas during The First Monday of The Month for both the November and December Markets (It is estimated that up to 500k flow through that pretty little place on an average Market Day). He will be signing books and doing readings, and keeping an eye out for Mulligans...
Next issue of THE AGONIZING TRUTH:
What, exactly, do the Mulligans want kept out of Herndon's new book? Why is Travis Drylander still missing?
Also coming in the next issue: THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF AGONY
Posted by Unknown at 3:40 PM
It matters not what your art is. If you paint, prepare yourself for both subject matter, and sales, often on the piece you are standing there working on. If you sculpt, you'll find excellent company to talk about your experiences, and pick the mind of some
WORLD CLASS sculptors.
Maybe you sing, play the guitar, or the xylophone, there's a spot of MOUNTAIN up here for you too. We don't care if you design dresses, hats or Windmills for your artistic expression. We only know that you secretly dream of a place where folks like us can come, relax, find the rhythm of the place, its pulse, and let it throb up your frame as you let your art flow.
Street performers, Wild West re-enactments, shops with stuff folks have found with your name on it...c'mon all you pickers, this is your stuff and the folks up here are just holding on to it for you.
Gotta book you want to promote? Me too, and some painting I want to do, and, and...
THE MOUNTAIN sees its fare share of the estimated 500k that can come through the town of
CANTON TEXAS during First Monday of the Month, when this sleepy little town turns into the largest swap-meet, flea market, trade station (as it was during the early days of
TEXAS settlement).
The market days activity and commerce swings full all day Thursday through Saturday and half a day on Sunday. At night, hundreds of thousands of travelers look toward
THE MOUNTAIN, to continue shopping for those 'rare finds' or that art that they need for... or just to listen to some tunes, or laugh at the performers, maybe even cry with them too.
They eat in numerous venues and see more in an evening on this magical little spot of ground that has risen to legendary status. You'll see buildings that look like the Lost Boys built them, or a entire village of kid's tree forts, or club houses, only they are Bed and Breakfasts, shops, galleries and a virtual DREAM WORLD for any good ole
American Picker...
I'll just shut up and let Feathermaye TELL you, in her own way, with her own eyes--tricky, eh? Ladies and gentlemen, the ART of MY WIFE, THE FABULOUS FEATHERMAYE: compositions from the upper hill...
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Ed "Pappy" Picket World Class Sculptor, see link in text above
The Memorial Statue still needs help with funding for
the cast. Dig deep, everybody...this is a worthy effort. |
We saw composition everywhere... "I'm Just Captivated by the juxtaposition of it all: The drab bordered by color, the old next door to the new." feathermaye
If you don't feel like a kid again as soon as you set foot here, turn around, go back, this is not for you. But don't be surprised to feel this place as it puts an arm around you, points to a currently available little spot of MOUNTAIN, and starts tickling the kid in you again. C'mon, you know you want to. I'm currently working on getting my own Hippie Feet back in shape.
As always, you can follow this blog by clicking on the right buttons to your right...also you can find us on facebook, thank you very much. Also, if you'd be so sweet, give this one a Tweet! I'd be remiss not to mention that feathermaye now has me stumbling as well...
Posted by Unknown at 6:24 PM
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Gun fights during the day are attention get-ers to shoppers below.
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| Then, evening descends over the hill... |
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... music, art, craftsmanship and creativity meet a bargain-hunting night crowd
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They shop, they eat, they even get a little enchanted with one spot or another...
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And, take back a lot of memories
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This sleepy MOUNTAIN waits for you next First Monday of The MONTH
In Canton, Texas!
Follow us, if you will, on facebook. And if you would be so sweet, give us a Tweet!
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Posted by Unknown at 5:17 PM
THE AGONIZING TRUTH Agony, Texas (cir. 316)
October 6, 2011
Jackson Tuck, Editor
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Agony Annex, closed after Ethel Noon
swooned (with all the paperwork) |
The Vinegaroon county clerk office, Agony Annex, was over run when more than sixty-four suits were filed today, mostly aimed at author S. Bond Herndon to stop publication of his new tell-all book, supposedly about life, here in Agony.
"Well just bury him in paperwork!" The lawyer for the group, J. Dagwood Holmgren told the AT. "He'll have to deal with us before we let him see daylight..."
Meanwhile, the notorious Mulligan Gang is still incensed that they have yet to find a way to thwart Herndon's plans.
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Last known photo of H.D. Mulligan (not sure which)
He was born with bad twitches, and no prison or
state photos have been made in focus |
"Bab-ba-lu, baby, we gonna do some tap-dancin', we find this here feller..." Harley Davidson Mulligan told the AT over the phone from Huntsville Penitentiary (where he is currently due for parole in 2023).
Mr. Herndon's book seems to have opened a can of worms that leads back to several of the Mulligans, dating back to 1968, when our town held its, quite memorable, centennial celebration. As you know, it got a little out-of-hand, however, it is also the time when Charles Speck III (Our town Doc) came to town. That is the story Herndon followed to reveal not only the Mulligan's nefarious activities, but quite a few other secrets, some so dark, for their time, that they left indelible impressions on our town...impressions we can not shake away from our dreams.
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We think something like this happened
with JJ and his Uncle No-Nose Mulligan |
Further complicating the potential for disaster, rumor now has it that JJ (Jessie James) Mulligan has made a play for power over the family interests, which, remarkably, still include their 'Salvage Yard' and a lot of barren desert hiding who-knows-what?
"Them boys are bad news..." Said Cletus (Our Town Constable). "They use look-outs, and stuff like that. They real organized, n'all."
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| Cletus, a pretty good scout himself |
As you know, it is Cletus' turn to work as our constable, unfortunately, it has happened at a time when we desperately need lawmen with True Grit, not those who must eat their grits before giving chase when chase is due.
"Clete, hell, he's a good hand, in the saddle. Good long-range spotter, if he ain't drinking much..." Said one associate of the man-now-on-the-hot-seat. "But, he ain't gonna be no good tangling with Mulligans. These here Mulligan's ain't his daddy's Mulligans, if you know what I mean.
As I close this article, I am sad to report that Ethel Noon has reported that it may take longer than expected to file all the new paperwork. Her normal workload of court filings, generally relegated to land and livestock purchases and oil rights.
"My lawd, I've never felt so much hate, from so many!" Ethel said, just before she swooned again and was taken to Dr. Speck's for observation.
The lawsuits may well take longer to reach the ear of the court than it will take Herndon's publisher Truesource (Imagine House Imprint) to get "A Week in Agony...Texas" on the shelves.
Next time in: THE AGONIZING TRUTH
Just what did Herndon find out when he spent all that time visiting with Dr. Speck? And, where has the original tell-all mouthpiece 'Travis Drylander' run off to? Those questions and more in the next issue.
Disclaimer:
Images used on this site are a combination of search results and personal photography; we in no way intend to infringe upon any rights. As applicable, our 2011 (c) belongs to one or more of the following: S. Bond Herndon, Heather Hyde-Herndon, feathermaye. If you feel you have a claim to any image used on this site, please feel free to contact us at query@feathermayemultimedia.com
